Re: Buy 10, Get 1 Free
Heidi Montag, 23, formerly of MTV reality show The Hills, is on the January 15th cover of People magazine. Drawing a blank? Let me get you up to speed. Heidi, in the spirit of Paris Hilton before her, is known for being um…known. After her reality TV career stalled, she decided to be a recording artist and independently released an album that she felt would make “pop history.” She’s married to Spencer Pratt, also formerly of The Hills. (And they didn’t even have to go through countless rose ceremonies to find each other!). Together, they were part of the cast of I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!. They lasted four days before they quit but then realized that not being in front of a camera meant that they didn’t exist so they rejoined the show only to leave again when Heidi became ill. Not to worry. They bounced back by writing a book called How To Be Famous.
And then there’s the 10 plastic surgery procedures she had done in one day–the reason for the People article and the only way she could bump Kate Gosselin and/or the Obamas off the cover.
As a celebrity, Heidi is a bit of a dud. As the new poster girl for plastic surgery, Heidi is a cash cow (at least for her doctor). She tells People that she is “beyond obsessed” and declares that she is on a journey to become “the best me” or to put it another way, completely unrecognizable. Here is a before and after shot.
In other, related news, Heidi’s neighbor called police on January 13th to report a kidnapping attempt at Heidi and Spencer’s home. In an effort to prevent photographers from capturing her post-surgery look before her People cover debuted, Heidi had covered her face with a scarf as she hurried into her house, causing the concerned neighbor to jump to the wrong conclusions. Helpfully, Heidi cleared everything up by releasing a statement saying that she merely had her “pink Hermes scarf” over her. A simple case of name dropping? Or a pitch to Hermes to appear in their next ad campaign? You be the judge.
Sly marketing attempts aside, Heidi’s search for perfection has lead to her greatest role yet and one that will not be diminished by getting older or lacking talent. In fact, getting older is essential to her success. The possibilities are endless. The classic face lift is guaranteed, not to mention the cutting edge procedures that have yet to be invented. She can last for years. Heidi, please hurry and parlay this into an appearance on Oprah. She’s sure to book you for an intervention or at least a stern admonishment for sending the wrong message to young women. If you don’t, it will be a slap in the face to every publicity hungry D-Lister out there!
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