Re: Best. Plan. Ever.

Lindsay Lohan went to jail last week. This is a surprise to no one except maybe Lindsay herself. Oh, and her mother Dina who told the press that the incarceration of her daughter was “so not fair.” By unfair I assume she means unfair to her since Lindsay’s jail time means that she has temporarily lost her access to clubs and parties. But Dina shouldn’t worry too much because it’s been reported that Lindsay will only spend 14 days of her 90 day sentence behind bars. This news should prompt at least a few words on the overcrowded prison system. Instead, the press reported on her surrender which was basically shots of her walking through a crowd of photographers. Later, they told us about her dining options (turkey tetrazzini in case you missed it) and reassured us that she will be sleeping soundly since the state agreed that she could continue to take a prescription sleep aide.

Despite crying when she was sentenced, Lindsay was less traumatized a few days before she was due to enter prison. She posted a message to her Twitter account describing her reaction to her upcoming jail time as: “eeeks.” Apparently, jail is a joke that deserves a cartoon response. And why shouldn’t it? It’s her two week chance to plan the best way to cash-in on the experience. Actually, she did this before her sentence started. Fox 411 reports that Lohan lined-up several post-jail interviews allegedly worth seven figures before she went to prison. With her film work spiraling into the D-list, she knows that paying her bills by posing semi-nude for marginal magazines won’t last forever.

Lohan and her rants, girlfriends, public fights, alcohol monitoring bracelets and dysfunctional parents are collectively called a hot mess. If you love popular culture, you probably enjoy a hot mess. Celebrity images are so carefully constructed that when they crack it’s like seeing how a magician does a trick. It’s juicy revelation, a fleeting glimpse of the real. For some, a celebrity’s problems offer a kind of common ground that elicits sympathy, Sandra Bullock’s cheating husband for example. For others, a celebrity’s crash and burn is disappointing. Lindsay’s problems are none of these things. Her addictions and trips back and forth to rehab are not disappointing. They are just a tired celebrity cliche. Her self-destructive approach to her career does not deserve your sympathy because it’s a choice, just as it was a choice to break the terms of her probation and to paint expletives on her fingernails for her court appearance.

Lindsay will walk away from her experience having learned nothing except that crime pays. So enjoy her story on the level that it deserves. It’s not tragic or sad or a cautionary tale. It’s a funny distraction from the real tragic, sad and cautionary tales of the day.

Technorati Tags: fox 411, hot mess, jail, twitter

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Re: Crash and Burn

With the leak of audiotapes allegedly featuring the voice of Mel Gibson wishing his girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva very bad things, commentators are now speculating on the future of Gibson’s career. Once the beloved star of the Lethal Weapon franchise and friend to Christians everywhere with The Passion of the Christ, Gibson has been dropped by his talent agency and has caught the interest of police who are investigating allegations of domestic abuse. Most commentators agree that Mel can forget making a studio film. His future, they argue, depends upon the forgiving hearts of his fans and his bank account. In other words, if Gibson self-finances another hit, fans may embrace him and the studios will cautiously follow.

Studios will bring Mel back into the fold because Hollywood is a business and Mel used to be big business. If he can be big business again (on his own dime), all is forgiven, at least in terms of everyone’s bank accounts. So Mel’s potential career resurrection depends on audiences and their feelings. Currently, he’s not feeling the love. If it is Gibson on the tapes, and neither he nor his representatives have so far denied it, then he is a shameful disgrace. People across the internet are voicing their disgust. However, people also have a short memory.

Mel’s ability to capitalize on his audience’s memory loss depends on crafting a believable villain for his story. First choice would be drugs, alcohol and wait for it…a stay in rehab. The problem is that other actors have been careless with the publicity gift that is rehab and ruined it for everyone else who uses it to try and save their career.  There’s Isaiah Washington who checked into rehab after calling fellow Grey’s Anatomy cast member T.R. Knight a fagot because he thought people might believe that rehab can cure the affliction of being an a**hole. Then there’s Lindsay Lohan who should spend her impending prison time writing a dissertation on: The Use of Rehab as Publicity Stunt. Yet, ‘career drunk’ with a stay in a recovery facility is still Gibson’s best chance. If you listen closely to the tape, you can hear him slur a few words.

If the villain thing works out, Mel spends time laying low, rehabs it and eventually dips into his personal fortune to put himself into a movie, then viewers would need to separate his life from his art to ensure his comeback.

They shouldn’t.

While acting is the art of pretending, viewers shouldn’t pretend that Gibson’s problems aren’t deeply disturbing. He is clearly a racist and if the allegations on the leaked tapes are true, much more. These qualities don’t deserve to be rewarded with the price of a movie ticket and a sit-down with Oprah. Certainly, Gibson is not the only actor who has a troubled personal life that is hidden from a sparkling on-screen one but he got caught, twice (See: 2006’s anti-Semitic tirade). America is the land of second chances but he threw his away. Now both his on-screen image–lovable rogue, conquering hero and his off-screen one–Christian family man (arguably this was already tarnished but not irreparable) are shattered. Using your money to support any future film plans he may have says that his actions don’t matter, that it’s okay to be a racist and that it’s okay to hit your girlfriend as long as you are entertaining. This is not recognizing good acting as art separated from life. It’s turning a blind eye.

Technorati Tags: acting, grey's anatomy, oprah, passion, rehab

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Re: Please Try Harder

Lately, entertainment news is all about women. There’s Fergie and Katy, Kendra and some housewife from Orange County, Lindsay, Elin and Oksana.

Here’s a quick recap: In interviews with Cosmopolitan UK and Esquire respectively, Fergie says she falls into both the “madonna” and “whore” categories while Katy Perry claims that she is a “f*cking strong elephant of a woman” and a diva. Kendra Wilkinson, former Playboy “girl next door” releases her autobiography and surprises no one by admitting that she wasn’t physically attracted to Hugh Hefner. Alexis Bellino, a real housewife from the Orange County series, almost drowns her daughters after leaving them unattended in a stroller which rolls into a pool. Lindsay Lohan’s tearful apology fails to persuade a judge to spare her jail time for violating her probation. Elin Nordegren gets $100 million from Tiger to nurse her broken heart and Oksana Grigorieva gets something entirely different from racist and misogynist baby daddy Mel Gibson.

It’s sluts, divas, opportunists, bad mommies and victims.

I don’t need a female celebrity as a role model but can I have just one who represents women as more than generic and simplistic stereotypes?

Angelina Jolie might help me out. She’s on the cover of this month’s Vanity Fair. Since she’s discovered adoption, birth, the United Nations and another woman’s husband, she’s all about joy, love, kids and charitable work. She is actor, mother and humanitarian. The problem is that despite these roles, she is most often defined by her beauty and her seduction skills. So again, not so much a well-rounded representation of womankind.

There’s Lady Gaga. She’s creative and talented but really she’s just a less-clothed and more coarse version of the Material Girl. She’s Madonna version 2.0. Once upon a time, Christina Aguilera made a statement with empowering anthems like Beautiful but now that it’s been relegated to ‘lesson’ episodes of Glee and end of class cool downs at the gym, she feels compelled to revive her career by wearing flashing symbols over her lady parts. Sandra Bullock’s speedy divorce and triumphant single parent statement seemed promising but again, the adulation she currently enjoys is based upon her role as victim and her rise as mother. Not particularly original.

Surprisingly, it’s come down to Brittany Spears. She tells this month’s Cosmopolitan that she would rather lock her sons in their rooms until they’re 30 than let them have careers in entertainment. Just when I thought she pretty much owned the victim category, she shocks me with empowering self-awareness.

Now all she needs to do is employ a decent stylist and I can get behind her.

Technorati Tags: cosmopolitan, esquire, glee, madonna, mel gibson, orange county, vanity fair

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Re: Narcissism Works For You

Tori Spelling is the author of three books: sTORI Telling, Mommywood and Uncharted TerriTORI. As you may have guessed from the use of her name in two of the titles, the books are about various phases of her life. The first is an autobiography that debuted at the top of the New York Times Best Seller list in 2009. The second is about her life as a mother and the third is the first plus the second plus how she’s dealing with being a “mini-mogul” whose job is to be Tori Spelling. Put simply, Tori has a lot to say. About herself.

Unlike other celebrities whose personal revelations either make me want to roll my eyes  (Dear Kristen Stewart: Obsessive fans + mega movie=extreme paparazzi attention. Please get used to it) or take a shower (John Mayer anyone?), Tori’s inward gaze makes me want to give her a little hug.

Here’s an excerpt from Uncharted TerriTORI where she talks about her relationship with husband Dean:

I’ve noticed that the more I advance professionally, the more I retreat in my personal life. I apologize to Dean constantly. It drives him crazy and rightfully so. But I can’t stop saying it. It’s like I’m saying, “Look, I don’t have power! Don’t worry! I’m just a weak little girl!”

She also tells a story about being too tired to have sex with Dean after co-hosting the Today Show for three days. Upset over the rejection, Dean tells her that it’s “the beginning of the end” and that she is “more in love with the bed” than him.

My usual reaction to these types of celebrity “See! I have ordinary problems too!” anecdotes is a cynical “whatever.” Yet, to my surprise, I don’t dislike Tori for telling me her problems. Sure, her attempt at self-analysis is full of pop psychology cliches and her ordinary appeal is most likely a calculated exercise in image management but I still find myself wanting to have a coffee with her to lament the state of the sisterhood.  She feels compelled to diminish herself to make Dean feel better! Seriously. I could give her a pep talk over skim mocha’s.

I also like her for talking about the fear she felt after seeing a recent photo of herself looking anorexic (a result of swine flu, she claims), the nasty public battles with her mom and the insecurities she has over Dean’s potential for cheating.  But why? What makes these problems more interesting to me than other celebrities’ issues? Maybe it’s that her non-train wreck approach to dealing with life in the public eye is refreshing. Tori’s problems are not sex (tape), drugs and rock-n-roll. They are body image, family feuds and fear of losing her husband to another woman–issues over which many women worry. She might be insecure and self-important but she’s not trying to shock me, ask for my sympathy or provide updates for a future edition of her E! True Hollywood Story.

I fully expect another book from Tori as she experiences life’s ups and downs. Perhaps the next one could be about her struggle to age gracefully as a mini-mogul in Hollywood. She could call it Plastic SurgeTORI.

Technorati Tags: Barbara Walters, John Mayer, Kristen Stewart, New York Times, Today Show

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1. To: John Mayer

Re: Sometimes a Ball is Just a Ball

If the word ‘vuvuzela’ has entered your vocabulary, you are probably one of the millions of people watching the World Cup. The world’s most famous football tournament, the Cup is about the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, national pride and…the ball. This year, the Jabulani ball is the troublemaker.

Made by Adidas, the Jabulani, “to rejoice” in Zulu, is important enough to have its own website. Here, you will learn that the ball has “an amazing 8 panels” as opposed to the 2006 World Cup ball which had 14 panels. It has 11 colors  in honor of both the number of tribes in host nation South Africa and the number of players on a team. Apparently, “goalies will also be happy with the ‘grip and groove’ texturing.”

The problem is they’re not. Goalkeepers from Spain, Italy and Brazil have all publicly complained about the ball’s design. They have been joined by both forwards and strikers who are also blaming the ball for embarrassing mistakes. Nigeria’s Vincent Enyeama claimed the ball had a life of its own during his team’s match against Greece: “It was the ball, not me. It moved at the last minute.” (Note to Vincent: The ball is not actually magical). Brazilian player Felipe Melo chose more colorful imagery to describe his feelings for Jabulani: “The other ball is like a nagging woman: you kick her and she’s still there. This one is like a spoiled little rich kid, who doesn’t want to be kicked in any way.”

One of the only teams not complaining about Jabulani is Germany whose players have been using the ball in their highest professional league, the Bundesliga, for the past year. This is seen as unfair by other players including England defender Jamie Carragher who told the press that the Germans’ familiarity with the ball gives them an obvious advantage.

Carragher’s complaints almost seemed fair when Germany defeated Australia 4-0 in the tournament’s opening round. But then Germany lost to Serbia. Now Carragher and everyone else who is complaining about the Jabulani ball sound like the sporting world’s version of the schoolkid whose dog ate his homework.

Carragher and the England team’s discontent (coach Fabio Capello also made his displeasure known) are particularly interesting since their activities all season long suggest that they didn’t make the best use of their time. As it turns out, they had access to the new ball months before the World Cup. According to an article published on June 13 in The Sunday Times, “the ball was offered directly to the FA in February.” While “opportunities to officially use it with the team were limited,” the ball was still available.

Think of it this way, England team: If you had time during your season to drink, socialize with celebrities at Nobu and sleep with women who are not your wives (or your teammates’ wives), you had time to get to know Jabulani better. You are paid professionals. It’s not the ball. It’s you. How hard could it be to learn to kick it? If your skills during the World Cup suddenly look like your grandmother could beat you to the post, you simply need to work harder rather than make nonsense complaints. Why not grab a Jabulani and kick it around in your spare time? Better yet, you should have implemented this cunning plan before you flew to South Africa for the most important tournament of your career.

All of this bickering about a ball makes the players sound like whiny children. Worse than that, they’re rich whiny children because they get paid a lot of money to kick a ball for a living and then have the nerve to complain about not having enough time to kick a ball. This behavior is ridiculous and disrespectful to the millions of fans who wait for four years to live and die with every game. Players owe their fans and their countries more than excuses no matter what sport they play but this responsibility is particularly important during the World Cup. Perhaps more than any other sporting contest, the Cup gives marginal countries a chance to step out of the shadows of their more powerful and influential neighbors and for a brief moment, shine a light on their achievements. Anyone who watched Slovakia beat defending champions Italy knows that World Cup teams symbolize possibility. Petty complaints about the ball only make the players seem ordinary when they deserve a moment to be extraordinary.

Technorati Tags: adidas, budesliga, italy, jabulani, nobu, slovakia, vuvuzela, world cup ball

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1. To: John Terry

Re: You Reap What You Sow

Recently, gossip blogger Perez Hilton (real name: Mario Lavandeira) posted a link on his Twitter feed to an upskirt photo of 17 year-old Miley Cyrus. In the shot, Cyrus is allegedly not wearing underwear. Since she is a minor, phrases including distribution of child pornography and jail time quickly hit the press as various news organizations marched out legal experts to comment on the controversy. Hilton removed the photo and later defended himself in a video he posted to his website. In the video, he claims that Miley was wearing underwear and he only posted the photo to make fun of her for getting out of a car in “a very un-ladylike fashion.” Yet, the tweet that accompanied the link said: “If you are easily offended, do NOT click here. Oh Miley! Warning: truly not for the easily offended!” Oh Miley? Oh Perez! Clearly, Hilton’s defense is disingenuous but the controversy  raises an interesting point about the boundaries of celebrity gossip.

If you’re not familiar with Hilton’s website, it is basically a catalog of paparazzi and PR photos of celebrities to which he adds breaking news and his opinion. For example, in a recent post on Real Housewives of New York City’s Kelly Bensimon and Bethenny Frankel, he blasts Frankel for her comments regarding Bensimon: “This is like the pot calling the kettle a fame whore!” He’s also famous for scrawling words across the photos he posts. In the Frankel, Bensimon story, the words “Crazy vs Ugh!” appear across their pictures.

Hilton’s less than congenial approach to celebrity gossip means that he is both loved and loathed. One thing he is not however, is inconsistent. His style is harsh and offensive, sometimes funny and always about bringing celebrities his version of a reality check. Considering that he is also known to draw white smudges on his subjects’ photos that appear to drip from their mouths, he is not your mother’s gossip columnist. His fans don’t go to his website for items they can read in People magazine. They hit it for the nasty scrawls and bitchy comments. Short of libel, it’s anything goes. So the Miley photo was a miscalculation because of the legalities regarding her age but not because of the outcry it caused. Hilton is a product of American popular culture–a culture that wants to know all the dirty details of a celebrity’s life. If there was a boundary regarding celebrity privacy it was crossed long before he started drawing sexually explicit doodles.

Hilton will survive to scandalize another day. Miley will also be fine and may even benefit from the incident since her recent stage outfits suggest that she’s trying hard to put her Hannah Montana days behind her. Her response to the story was to place a call to Ryan Seacrest’s morning radio show. Making her marketing team proud, she tells Seacrest: “Isn’t it funny that things like that, that are so negative, have to come out right before my record? It’s like no one can let positive things happen. All I do is focus on the positive, and I hope this record does well.” If Miley did happen to forget her panties that day, she’s not telling.

Technorati Tags: celebrity gossip, miley cyrus, people magazine, ryan seacrest, twitter

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Re: To Tweet or Not to Tweet.

Recently, Real Housewives of New York City’s Kelly Bensimon posted a public service announcement on YouTube. Seated in an over-sized blue chair, Kelly helpfully tells the world that bullying is not cool–not at age four and not at age 40. The age 40 part is a reference to herself because Kelly feels that she was victimized by the other housewives on the show this season, particularly during a trip several of them took to the Caribbean. What she doesn’t mention in her PSA is that the housewives and the audience watched her have what appeared to be a small mental breakdown while on the trip. Not coherent at the best of times, Kelly took it to the next level with nonsensical references to Al Sharpton and a paranoid delusion that “housewife” Bethenny was going to kill her. After the show aired, Bensimon attempted to defuse the situation by claiming that she is not crazy and had a nervous “breakthrough” rather than a nervous breakdown. Apparently, part of this breakthrough included the idea that it would be good PR to launch a transparent and pathetic anti-bullying campaign with herself as the victim.

Kelly’s crusade didn’t stop at YouTube. A few anti-bullying tweets showed up on her Twitter feed in between updates on partying in Las Vegas and a crush she seems to have developed on Giuliana and Bill Rancic. While it’s easy to dismiss Kelly’s desperation, her use of social networking to air grievances speaks to a larger trend among celebrities who now broadcast their thoughts on sites like Twitter, often to their detriment.

Take the case of Demi Moore versus Kim Kardashian.  Awhile ago, Kim tweets that she is “big pimpin’ ” with a few girlfriends including Serena Williams. Concerned, Demi wonders if by “pimpin’ ” Kim is referring to men who are in charge of prostitutes. Kim tells Demi that “Big Pimpin’ ” is a song by Jay-Z and her and Serena have not actually become working girls. Rather, they are dancing to the song in a club. Determined to save them from their ignorance, Demi then gives a Twitter dissertation on why the use of the term pimp glorifies the slavery of women.

Here’s a tweet between the lead singer of Smashing Pumpkins Billy Corgan and Courtney Love:

Corgan: Sleep knowing you have no honor.

Love: He’s like a jealous little girl.

Jim Carrey felt compelled to comment on the Tiger Woods’ scandal by suggesting that Tiger’s wife Elin “had to be a willing participant on the ride” because no wife “is blind enough to miss that much infidelity.”

The intimate nature of Twitter has seduced celebrities into thinking that they can have an honest opinion but without gatekeepers many reveal themselves to be petty and in need of a college degree. Uncensored, they remind us that they are real people but the power of celebrity lies in not being too ordinary. Fantasy and illusion are important. Whatever you may think of Kelly Bensimon’s mental state, her life as a single mother would not be appealing without her life as a party-hopping ex-model living in New York City. This is her carefully constructed image and celebrity image is an industry that requires professionals. Forget privacy issues, social networking’s biggest controversy is the death of the publicist.

Technorati Tags: Al Sharpton, bullying, Jay-Z, twitter, YouTube

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1. To:The Real Housewives of New York City

Re: Don’t Call It A Comeback

Critics of popular culture often suggest that reality programs are the end of western civilization as we know it or at least the end of quality television as we know it. While Kimora’s life in the “fab” lane and Giuliana and Bill’s adventures in long distance marriage (both shown on E!) may not be educating the masses (unless the masses want a lesson in conspicuous consumption), reality shows do provide an important service. They are the last stop for second chances.

Just ask former Poison lead singer Bret Michaels. Before his career in reality television, the only time he sang hit single Every Rose Has Its Thorn was in the shower. On this season’s American Idol finale, he sang it for an audience of millions.

Bret’s second chance started with his first reality TV show, Rock of Love. Bret’s version of The Bachelor capitalized on his sex, drugs and rock-n-roll persona. Less about rose ceremonies and visits to meet mom and dad and more about shots of tequila and how to pass the time on a tour bus, the show featured 25 women who competed to be Bret’s girlfriend. Sadly, the 24 year-old winner told Bret and the audience at the reunion show that she just wasn’t that into him.

Not one to give up on love or another reality TV contract, Bret starred in Rock of Love, season two, in 2008. This time his relationship with the winner lasted past the reunion show but only just. They parted ways several months after the end of the series. In January 2009, Bret gave it one last try with a third season. The finale of Rock of Love 3 was watched by 3.2 million viewers on VH1.

Reality TV producers were suddenly interested. If three million people watched Bret party his way to short term love, they might just watch him battle it out with other B-list celebrities on Celebrity Apprentice. Turns out, Bret is a decent project manager. On the show, he leads, he delegates and he gets the job done. He also shows his sensitive side. While the ever-present bandanna suggests that he is fiercely protective of his image/receding hairline, he is less guarded when it comes to his emotions. On one episode, he learns that his daughter may have diabetes. Having suffered from the disease since he was a child, he takes the news hard. The result is Bret Michaels: Rocker, Corporate Team Player and Sensitive Parent. The combination was enough to impress Donald Trump and Bret never heard the words: “You’re fired.”

But something else happened on the way to the Celebrity Apprentice win. In April, Michaels had an appendectomy and later that month, a brain hemorrhage. The hemorrhage put him in critical condition and his unexpected recovery has lead him to reassess his life. In an interview, Bret says he was given a second chance and he plans to continue to ” rock the world.”

The real second chance however, started with reality TV. Without it, Bret’s health troubles and his role in Poison would be the only (small) newsworthy thing about him. His participation in the ‘dumbing down’ of popular culture revived his career, his bank account and his zest for life. His new show: Bret Michaels: Life as I Know It will premiere on VH1 in fall 2010. (A preview episode aired on May 31st). There are also rumors that he is a candidate for Simon Cowell’s vacant seat.

So the next time you’re tempted to turn the channel when faced with yet another reality television show, remember what the genre has done for Bret and what it could do for all the future Bret’s out there. Think of it as charitable giving through viewership.

Technorati Tags: american idol, bachelor, brain hemorrhage, celebrity apprentice, donald trump, poison

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Re: Beware of Businessmen Bearing Hidden Cameras

Before her recent troubles, the most interesting thing about Sarah Ferguson, former wife of Queen Elizabeth’s second son Prince Andrew, was that she had a fondness for having her toes sucked. You may remember that in 1992 Fergie was photographed with John Bryan, an American banker, who was sucking on her toes as she lay sunbathing topless.

Humiliated, Sarah turned to the land of opportunity and did what any former fat woman with a public profile would do. She became a spokesperson for Weight Watchers. Previously labeled the “Duchess of Pork” by the British tabloid press for her weight gain while married to Andrew, Sarah was suddenly making the news for pitching a diet plan rather than engaging in her fetishes. The image rehabilitation continued with a series of children’s books. The new Sarah is now a healthy lifestyle advocate and a kindly children’s book author. In the last few years, she has taken her expertise to British television audiences. In The Duchess in Hull, a show broadcast on ITV in 2008, she taught an overweight family living on a council estate how to maintain a proper diet. With a silent “suck it” to her critics, the former Duchess of Pork was making money fighting obesity one poor family at a time.

It was all going so well until she decided to earn a little cash on the side. It seems that Sarah is a big spender but her love of  luxury does not equal her ability to responsibly manage her finances.

Desperate to pay down some of her debt, she recently decided to sell access to her ex-husband who holds the title of prince and  ‘trade envoy’.  In  meetings with a reporter from News of the World who was posing as a businessman, Sarah is videotaped offering access to her ex for the bargain price of 500,000 pounds.

News of the World reporters, it seems, are masters of disguise. They used a similar sting in 2001 on Sarah’s former sister-in-law Sophie Wessex who was taped making less than flattering comments about members of the British government.

The circumstances surrounding Fergie’s cash for access scandal have put the spotlight on the ethics of ‘gotcha’ journalism. Designed to lead the interviewee to discredit themselves, gotcha journalism’s purpose is to be scandalous and sensational. Not surprisingly, the people that suddenly raise the idea of unethical behavior on the part of ‘gotcha’ reporters are usually the same people who are entrapped by a gotcha story.

While it’s true that this type of journalism is filled with biased questions, the gotcha question is often necessary. When every politician is an expert in spin, the gotcha questions are sometimes the only way to get an authentic response. In Sarah Ferguson’s case, the News of The World clearly had a tip that she was engaging in unethical behavior. Rather than an invasion of her privacy, their actions are a service to the British public whose trust she betrayed.  Officially, Ferguson is an ex-member of the royal family but she is still the mother of two princesses. Her intimate association with the monarchy (who are part of the state and exist to serve the people) means that her behavior in this case is a matter of public interest.

The good news?

Now, the toe sucking incident might be the second thing people remember about her.

Technorati Tags: duchess, gotcha journalism, itv, news of the world, royal family, toes, weight watchers

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1. To: Sarah Palin and Carrie Prejean

Re: Like Mother, Like Daughter

While Sarah Palin works the speakers circuit, most recently declaring that Americans are “all Arizonan’s now” in defense of a recent law cracking down on that state’s illegal immigrants and possibly writing more detailed notes on her palm, her daughter Bristol has joined the roster at Single Source Speakers. For $15,000 to $30,000, you can hire Bristol for special appearances at your next seminar, fundraiser or conference. Bristol, you may remember, was supposed to marry her boyfriend Levi Johnston after news broke during the 2008 presidential campaign that she was pregnant. Somewhere between the end of her mother’s vice-presidential dreams and Levi’s Playgirl spread, Bristol gave birth to a son and decided that she could do better than a small town boy whose best years are probably already behind him.

Here’s Bristol’s biography, as written by the team at Single Source Speakers:

Bristol Palin, Sarah Palin’s oldest daughter, took the country by storm practically overnight when she was introduced to Americans during the 2008 presidential campaign. Her teen pregnancy and the birth of her son Tripp, resulted in millions of Americans discussing the issues surrounding teen pregnancy. Bristol has since gone on to become a Teen Ambassador for the Candie’s Foundation, and speaks about pregnancy prevention, abstinence, faith and life. She recently appeared on the ABC drama “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” and is working on her first book.

Bristol’s only qualification then, is her failure to use birth control. Oh, and her polarizing mother without whom the name Palin would only be famous if you were a quirky British actor/travel host. Yet, Bristol should be congratulated for parlaying her ‘pregnancy as cautionary tale’ into financial success. She saw that there was a gap in the motivational speaker category for rich white girls from conservative families who get pregnant in high school and she boldly decided to fill it. Now she speaks about abstinence (maybe not the way to go after all) and faith. She joins proud single working mothers everywhere who have kicked their deadbeat baby daddies to the curb and are doing it for themselves.

So if you too are a teenage (white) girl from a wealthy, good looking family who has recently given birth, not to worry. Forget about working a job while struggling through four years of college while also taking care of your baby. You have a degree from the school of life! This apparently qualifies you to write books, appear on family friendly TV shows and be paid up to $30,000 to speak about getting knocked up and all the lessons it has taught you.

Technorati Tags: bristol palin, illegal immigrants, levi johnston, playgirl, sarah palin, single mothers, teenage pregnancy

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1. To: Sarah Palin and Carrie Prejean